perhaps the excitement and boredom, the numbing and fear, the joy and hope, the dreams and ambitions, what I lost and gained, what was and could have been, the tears I cried, the lessons I had to re-learn, the laughing over tables, the expectations, disappointments, forgiveness, the arguments and reconciliation, the relationships I held onto and the ones I lost along the way.

perhaps rest was never meant to be found in these things.

as I've reminisced, I see that they were never meant to satisfy my soul. the moments themselves were never my end points.

but I know they all pointed to you, because I know you now, better than I did before. I know your face, through the faces you’ve shown me. your eyes, your hands, your love. the reality of your words. from strangers to loved ones. from foreigners to family.

and so, for all of these, I am deeply grateful. for surely the nations and generations will call me blessed, not because of my wins or skills or talents, but because I found you. or rather, you found me, and you gave yourself to me, your unrestraint love, withholding nothing, through your family.

Thank you, Jesus.
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Thank you, Abba.